The last few weeks have been trying...my lovely wanderers. My blogs have been scarce and I...have been at a loss for the words tucked away in my memory. This life that I lead is rarely a bowl of cherries and more days than not, the sun shines softly behind a deeply opaque layer of clouds. These are the words I have been longing to tell you...That this see which is my life had almost managed to drown me...It has been one storm after the next...Beauty...a rarity. But I am she...I am which the lightening and shooting stars make me. And all I can tell you is that anyone that says this...everything, is impossible...is wrong. I sit here in one of my favorite places to write and quietly accept my resolve while listening to: Vivaldi, The Four Seasons:Spring 1, recomposed by Max Richter, introduced to me by Terry Tempest Williams via David Barnhill.
I have resolved to declare my self love. That I Sossina a.k.a soloves<3 truely loves myself. I do not regret a single moment these last couple weeks. I do not regret who I have become because of them.
"Mirror, Mirror...on the wall,
I do not hear your sirens call.
I care not what you think of me...
I am much more than you can see."
-Queenisms
"I care not what you think of me...
I am much more than you can see"
and I love me:
I love the anxiously inscribed words upon my arm that you don't understand.
I love the broken smile I do when my heart hurts and my soul is tired.
I love the sadness I can see in my thoughtful eyes.
I love that my bones sometimes slumped..straighten...to continue holding up this weary body because I am proud and thankful that I have made it this far.
Nothing can break me, no not even you.
I am so in love with the girl who sings quietly in a room full of people she does not know,
who loves without reason or caution,
who dances her heart out everywhere,
who wished on the shooting star that she'd find someone that will treat her right and that her life will become complete someday. I love that she has sought the sanctuary of friends and that she still loves herself because few people come out of a weary battle such as this...as well as she has. My goddess is she beautiful.
"Love, after all, always said more about those who felt it that it did about the ones they loved."
-Nicholas Sparks
Broken but still beautiful, Alive and not dead. I stretch my arms toward the sky praising the sun that has protected her daughter, the earth that has held her, to water that heals her and the fire that cleanses.
I know that I am full of secrets no one knows. Full of a love that the world struggles to comprehend. Full of a worth more valuable than all the darkness in my world.
And I know I don't have all the answers right now, but I do know that someday I will find them and that won't change how hard things are in this beautiful moment but it will make them better in the long run. This sometimes frozen heart will thaw.
You can't see it now and neither can I but deep in my weary body, I know things will get better, be better and I...will...never...give...up.
This is my declaration of self love<3
I love you all <3
-SoLoves<3
