This is a Declaration of Self Love

The last few weeks have been trying...my lovely wanderers. My blogs have been scarce and I...have been at a loss for the words tucked away in my memory. This life that I lead is rarely a bowl of cherries and more days than not, the sun shines softly behind a deeply opaque layer of clouds. These are the words I have been longing to tell you...That this see which is my life had almost managed to drown me...It has been one storm after the next...Beauty...a rarity. But I am she...I am which the lightening and shooting stars make me. And all I can tell you is that anyone that says this...everything, is impossible...is wrong. I sit here in one of my favorite places to write and quietly accept my resolve while listening to: Vivaldi, The Four Seasons:Spring 1, recomposed by Max Richter, introduced to me by Terry Tempest Williams via David Barnhill.

I have resolved to declare my self love. That I Sossina a.k.a soloves<3 truely loves myself. I do not regret a single moment these last couple weeks. I do not regret who I have become because of them.

"Mirror, Mirror...on the wall,
I do not hear your sirens call.
I care not what you think of me...
I am much more than you can see."
-Queenisms

"I care not what you think of me...
I am much more than you can see"
and I love me:
I love the anxiously inscribed words upon my arm that you don't understand.
I love the broken smile I do when my heart hurts and my soul is tired.
I love the sadness I can see in my thoughtful eyes.
I love that my bones sometimes slumped..straighten...to continue holding up this weary body because I am proud and thankful that I have made it this far.

Nothing can break me, no not even you.
I am so in love with the girl who sings quietly in a room full of people she does not know,
who loves without reason or caution,
who dances her heart out everywhere,
who wished on the shooting star that she'd find someone that will treat her right and that her life will become complete someday. I love that she has sought the sanctuary of friends and that she still loves herself because few people come out of a weary battle such as this...as well as she has. My goddess is she beautiful.

"Love, after all, always said more about those who felt it that it did about the ones they loved."
 -Nicholas Sparks

Broken but still beautiful, Alive and not dead. I stretch my arms toward the sky praising the sun that has protected her daughter, the earth that has held her, to water that heals her and the fire that cleanses.

I know that I am full of secrets no one knows. Full of a love that the world struggles to comprehend. Full of a worth more valuable than all the darkness in my world.

And I know I don't have all the answers right now, but I do know that someday I will find them and that won't change how hard things are in this beautiful moment but it will make them better in the long run. This sometimes frozen heart will thaw.

You can't see it now and neither can I but deep in my weary body, I know things will get better, be better and I...will...never...give...up.

This is my declaration of self love<3

I love you all <3
-SoLoves<3

Forgiveness and the Other Guy

Along time ago, my dad gave me some great advice and I'm going to impart that advice to you in this vlog below. Please enjoy.

I Love You All,
soloves <3

Dear Diary...I'm a hurricane

9/24/2014

Dear Diary,

It's dark outside and cold and today has been less than perfect, but that is okay.

Diary today I am i one of those kind of hurricanes. I'm not sure I like it but, I know I need to be here. It's weird and hard to explain 

But I want to tell you "Things I tell myself in the Mostly Dark".

Diary I tell myself to give me a break. I spend so much time running around that sometimes I forget to breathe. I also tell myself that it's okay to let go of unfixable friendships and especially of memories. I tell myself that it's okay to remember and feel that pain sometimes. 

10/5/14

Diary I have been telling myself to set me free. Anyone that knows me, knows I have a good heart. I didn't deserve to be treated that way.

I tell myself that I'm okay when I'm lonely and to keep my head up when I'm sad and tired of being me.

Life's roses after all do have their thorns

Some days I tell myself to to keep swimming when I'm drowning and to keep loving when I'm hurting.

The other day, I told my roommate that I was done chasing after guys, I am gorgeous inside and out, and if someone truly wants me that way, they'll have to do a little work of their own.

Some days though Diary, I feel like the fool, that has let everyone in and still feels empty. 

Some days I feel like the giving tree, giving of me until there is little or nothing left.

And lately Diary, I haven't been able to find that cool optimism of mine and I really have started to wonder where it has gone. 

There are days where I can muster it and days where it is obscured from me by what feels like is a constant hurricane.

Diary, some days I wonder why the people I chose to love hurt me and twist the metaphorical dagger into my pounding heart.

These days I oft find myself wishing for people of the past knowing full well, should those wishes come true, I'd be driven to insanity.

Frequently I daydream of a lovers arms rocking me to sleep, of sweet fiery neck kisses, of snuggling. sleeping and iloveyous.

Some days the longing drives me crazy.

I miss waking up to arms around me after a nightmare or the presence and voice that calms my anxiety. I miss having someone to kiss beneath the falling leaves. Someone that just listens to me breathe or watches me fall asleep.

I hate that this huge heart of mine still remembers all of you.

And I relentlessly hope that someone comes along and shows me that I'm not missing out. That they are the adventure I'm supposed to have and that their love is enough.

But until then diary, I will do my damndest to keep moving forward. God knows I need to. 

I'll do whatever single is, even though it sucks and hopefully I'll find my way.

Diary, tomorrow will be better I hope.

Love,

Sossina <3

P.S. hugs and kisses to all my lovely wanderers 

Dear Diary....

July 22 2014

Dear Diary,

Today has been exceedingly beautiful.

It has been a day of tattoos, of feeling, of fleeting bliss, of memories, of "Yes", of sitting with a stranger in a cafe, of paper writing, vlogs, of #selflove, or never giving up.

As the sun goes down, I am almost saddened that something so imperfectly perfect is coming to a close, that today must go away, so that tomorrow can hopefully blind me with her beauty.

I have pursued and been pursued, no matter, the constant chase shall continue, of this I am absolutely sure. But alas I will run faster so that the gap may never close. Today on this beautiful day I am tired, back aching, soul aching...heart bleeding. I am ready to fall into the starry skies arms and quietly rock myself to sleep. My day always silently ends in Lonely.

But, Diary that has not made it any less gorgeous, 

smiles are stamped on perfect strangers,

love is found in the most extra-ordinary places,

warm is the hug that truly embraces,

old friends,

catching up,

light in their eyes,

on their faces.

Diary, loneliness is a small price to pay for all this extra-ordinary, every.Day. Beauty.

It is truly these "little things" that make me whisper to the bruised parts of my heart and shattered parts of my soul, "Thank goodness we made it. Look, it was all worth it. Everything was worth it".

And when the little voice inside me whispers that, I smile and you can see the spark in my eye lite up, and ever so quietly I whisper back out loud, "Yes, it totally was".

See Diary, today is one of those days that makes me wonder whether I choose moments of solidarity, or whether they choose me. Some days I love it, love being able to look around me and realize that this is the world I have influenced and shaped. That as much as it is in me, I am in it, but sometimes that pain creeps in, oh sweet sweet pain. And I suppose at the end of the day Diary, it all ends up being okay.

Well Diary, the sun continues to set, rather quickly actually and perhaps this is where we part ways for just today.

It has been beautiful and wonderful and bright and todays light will shine all through the night.

I cannot wait to see what tomorrow brings <3

Love,

Sossina <3

Why Nice People Get Fucked Over by a Fucking Nice Person!

It is self explanatory.

I love all of you,

rock on.

So Loves <3

Humans, Love, and Heartbreak are like a Cheesecake

Dear Wanderers,
Life is like a cheesecake, I mean yeesh if we're going to have a life, food analogy it might as well be to something delicious. In my mind, I picture a homemade cherry cheesecake. Three layers: graham cracker crust, delectable cheesecake center, topped with cherry pie filling or better yet, fresh cherries and maybe a little whipped cream.

As human beings I think we tend to make these 3 things in cyclical nature.
Part 1: Love
Part 2: Heart Break
Part 3: Recovery

Repetitiously, over and over and over again.

Love, heartbreak, recovery, love, heartbreak, recovery, love heartbreak recovery.

I think these 3 things happen in our lives cyclically with friends, family and beaus/baes, because I think that humans were designed to love and then dust themselves off after the heartbreak.

We were designed to love and accept love but nothing is one way, sometimes to love and be loved comes at great consequence, all great comedies and tragedies have thus proven so.

So I am going to have a fireside chat with you, love, heart break, recovery and cheesecake and I'll transition from each but talk about them collectively because I feel like there are days when we miss the point. Days when we are so upset with everything that and nothing that we forget the cyclical nature of this beautiful beast, forget that it will make a full circle and come around.

Part 1: Love

If this is what it means to feel again,
then let me feel,
always.

Heart in knots,
butterflies in stomach,
the scars of my soul throbbing.
If the eternal unquenchable anxiety,
is what keeps me awake,
to share my hesitant heart with you,
then if it must be,
let it be.

And if this crazy spinning Crush,
is what is Love?
Then I hope fate untangles my strange ass string,
to braid it with someone else,
with yours maybe.

Because life is short,
but,
years are long.
What is love,
without your sweet song?

I will give you my heart,
love you eternally.
soul exposed,
love my freely.

So here we are phase one of the circle the beginning, love where most of us start. The sweet pulsing of two hearts doing a dance to see if they are perfect for each other. The first part is all about the rawness and how much honesty we can expose to the other person. It is about just being who we are unedited and pure.
Stage one: Love, the delicious creamy center, the orgasm, I mean foodgasm.

But sometimes Love doesn't work out all that well.

Part 2: Heartbreak

What is darkness?
Darkness is the absence of light.
It is where my soul resides.
It is the limbo,
where there is no light.

Darkness is what binds,
it keeps my wings confined,
Somedays...it makes me wonder why.

Hearts will heal while souls must shatter,
giving can be a great disaster.
Why does fate confuse the strings?
Don't I deserve my chance to sing?

My turn to shine,
My turn for light.
These are things I see behind my eyes.

Sleep is not a blissful cave,
the lions den,
I am its slave.

I am weak and tired and sore and do not think I can give much more.

The sun has set,
I hope it will rise,
the blinding light,
I hope...hurts my eyes.

This is phase 2, heartbreak. Heartbreak does weird shit to us. It breaks us down and forces us to rebuild our own selves back up. It shreds our hopes and dreams and makes us start over, again...and again... and again. So many times it is a test of character. Heartbreak makes or breaks a person. They either stay down the lexicon of broken promises jammed to far into their heart or they yank it out bandage the wound and get back up again.

I can't help but think that we are meant to survive this and so much more. That heartbreak is just a bus stop among many to get to where we are going, maybe we even end up riding this same bus or train again but at this point it is all about the journey and how we choose to get there. It isn't something to fear because tomorrow the sun will shine and things will get better, will be better. The memories will start to fade and let us breathe. We will rise in the face of absolute adversity. Heartbreak hotel fortunately enough isn't like Hotel California, we are not trapped here forever only if then by choice. We can leave at any time, heal at any time, love at any time.
Stage 2: Heartbreak, the graham cracker crust.

Part 3: Recovery

The sun did rise.
I saw it's rays.
So I dusted myself off,
and whispered "amazing grace".
It blinded me while I drove,
so onward I road,
fields of gold.
took some time to shake the threads of darkness
off my wings,
even took some time to sing.
Last night though crying eyes I still understood,
that today would be better,
and brighter
and lovelier
than the day before.
That I'd pick up the pieces of my soul
and build another sculpture once more.
Because no matter how tough,
I will always be meant to Love.

We must break to become anew. We hurt so that we may heal. Tears cleanse our souls. The recovery is perhaps the best part. It is a time for self reflection it is a time when we can really invest time into taking care of ourselves instead of investing our energy into someone else. Recovery is the period of time in which we think to ourselves if I could do it all over, what bullshit wouldn't I have put up with, what would i have made more of an effort to accept, and what would i have given to have that moment again. Recovery is all about accepting the past and it's about forgiveness. And there is a part of us that knows that in the end, we will rise, gather up the pieces and memories and make it brand new all over again because this is the circle and we will be okay, if for no other reason than the sun will rise every morning.
Stage 3: Recovery, Fresh cherries on top with whipped cream.

So wanderers, here's my last thought:

"If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together...
there is something you must always remember,
you are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think,
but the most important thing is,
even if we're apart...
I'll always be with you."
-Christopher Robin to Pooh Bear

I will always be with each and ever single one of you wanderers on the best days and the worst,
each of you has a unique place in my heart,
Keep healing,
Keep loving,
Sing and dance in the rain,
Love someone,
I Love all of you,
until next time,
Love,
So Loves <3

P.S. All of the poetry is original and written by me :)

Dear Mr. Right

So if you are more of a reader *cough* Jared. Bare with me and listen to the short vlog which is just an introduction to the blog following the short video I promise. This blog is a future letter to my Mr. Right whoever that may be whether I have met that person already or not. It is a brief ever sweet note letting them peer into my soul and see just a little bit that is me.

Dear Mr. Right,

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life and in change there is power."-Alan Cohen

You know, I have released much of the things familiar to me lately and my life is filled with more fresh air and light than it ever has been. I am now excited to come across someone to exist with, someone that can join me on the spicy and sweet adventurous parts of life. I long for companionship and travel. But I do not long to settle down. I hope you "Crave me in the most innocent form. Crave to say good night and give me forehead kisses and say that you adore me when I am at my worst. Crave me in ways where you just want to be next to me and nothing more or less."

I want you to know that thus far I have been treated much in the same manor as a rag doll, no woman should be treated that way, including me.

I am smart, gorgeous and strong. Do not underestimate me.

"She never looked nice. She looked like art and art wasn't supposed to look nice, it was supposed to make you feel something."-Free People

I hope when I meet you if we haven't met already, that we fall crazy in love and never recover from an adventurous, do anything once, chocolate chili pepper stupor. I hope you see me as the whole picture and not just the paints. I also hope you fall in love with all the messy bits that are me. I hope you fall head over heels in love with my words, hat hair, makeup-less face, and inner warrior.

"she's a rare breed, matter fact, she's an endangered species, her heart's been broken and just like mine it remains in pieces, but every time we're near each other, smile is all we can do; our shattered souls intertwine, I know I've felt the same agonizing pain that she's been through and I find comfort in her grasp so I reach out with both arms..."

I hope when we meet, you find sanctuary in and around me. I hope my presence helps heal your broken bits as much as I hope your presence helps to heal mine. I truly hope that our shattered souls grasp each other in an embrace that fuses the shattered bits together so that there is no longer two separate broken entities but one beautiful sculpture.

I want you to know that you've fallen for: a hopeless romantic, who also has a hippie streak, who loves kids, and books, and stargazing, and candles, and meditation, and the quite room, who will hopefully have a tattoo by the time our souls intertwine, and who will unconditionally love you, no matter what, who believes in spreading as much of this love that fills her up to as many people as she possibly can.

I can't wait to meet you, if we haven't already,

 Love,

Me <3

Well wanderers, the secret is out, I am a hopeless romantic, but isn't that such a huge underrated part of living this journey and life....Love? Falling in a crazy sweet love from which we never recover, but really truly loving and be okay with that love, accepting it? On the worst days, isn't that what we live for, isn't it what we hope for and long for? The love and companionship of another human being who will love us despite the messy bits and struggling bits. who will "love us when we are a still day and a hurricane"? A person who thinks, "I don't know a perfect person. I only know flawed people who are still worth loving." -John Green.

Wouldn't you kill to even meet someone like that. I know I have met people like that, and they are some of the most beautiful humans I have ever seen. So here it is, Love, my love letter to someone in this universe hopefully destined for me someday. I challenge every single one of you that has read this far to write a similar letter, if you don't want to post it, fine, don't, but save it and make your bid for love, because after all that is the fire of this universe, love makes this life truly worth it.

Love onward,

dream upwards,

Stay sweet,

Try something new,

Love,

Me,

So Loves <3

why we should all take a lesson from Walter Mitty.

So new vlog for all of you. I am really excited.  I hope you love it! It's about why we should all take a life lesson from Walter Mitty the character in The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

Love, peace and laughter,
So Loves

Do we do what's easy?

So instead of a my normal written out post, I have a vlog for you today! yay! I wrote it out ahead of time and I read it to you downtown at the sundial fountain where I live :) enjoy.

Enjoy,

SoLoves <3

Turtles and Trust

You know what I love about turtles? I love their fearlessness. I love that they know they have shells to hide in and they choose to sun bathe anyway.

I especially love that recent little turtle that has gone viral that plays "fetch" with a dog. I mean come onnnnn how on earth does it know that the dog won't eat him on accident or otherwise?

I love that even after something tries to eat a turtle, it still comes out of its shell, it's not like, "okay one and done guys, one and done". It doesn't just throw in the towel like us humans do sometimes.

You know what else I love? I love the curiosity of turtles. I mean lets be real, what on earth compels a turtle to play with a dog arguably at least 50 times its size or to swim up to a shiny canoe full of rather loud idiots or to allow a child to race it against other turtles, why doesn't it just hide in its shell?

So what's it's deal? Are turtles stupid...... or are they fearless.....or are they just to trusting for their own good?

If we take a brief look into native american history and literature. They have something called turtle island, basically it is that each appendage of the turtle represents 3 things: a noble attribute, a element and a direction. So I would argue that turtles are a whole lotta fearless and trusting.

A tiny small animal laughing and saying "YOLO" but then again, maybe not.

So maybe you're thinking, "why on earth is she questioning me about the motives of a turtle and proceeding to tell me about it?"

This is why.

Do we do whats easy and hide in our shells or throw up our walls?

Or do we swim out, reach up, and touch the boat?

Do we trust the people in our lives enough to level with them and then proceed to have faith in them, or do we use the walls to our advantage, sometimes only letting the other person see through the glass?

Deep down I know that we are capable of being the turtles of native american wisdom and story. I know this because I have seen it. But I also know it is much easier to be the hidey hole turtle. The Dr. Jekyll turtle over the Mr. Hyde turtle. Sometimes it is reasonable but most of the time we are the ones that loose out when we refuse to trust and have a little faith.

I guess I want to tell you to trust people, just like that little turtle trusts the big dog he plays with. To have faith in people just like the turtle has faith in the young boy racing him.

Life will be a lonely harsh road to live it otherwise.

This is just one way to make it brighter and lovelier.


Love onward,
My sweet sweet wanderers.
So Loves <3

Cafeteria Us

Today, I have discovered a new found love for myself.
"The sun is shining the tank is clean...*gasp* the tank is clean"
Just kidding.
But it is a good day. So good I think I'm going to go have a slice of that thick homemade cheesecake at Piloras Cafe. And maybe a slice of Papa Johns Stuffed Pizza and Ittie Bitz generic Dippin Dots Ice Cream and maybe a glass or two of Fre non-alcoholic wine. And I'm going to have and eat all the things I love because I love me. I'm going to go to a local band concert and enjoy the sun. And I'm going to shine so bright that I blind anyone and everyone.

See I'm going through this thing,
where I'm learning to love:
cheese cake eating me,
hour glass me,
anxiety me,
greasy pizza eating me,
soul food me,
writing to you on the blog me,
the messy bits me.

Today I am the me that sits in the quiet room with my friend Mike and that is a good me. In fact I love that me. My goodness has she come a long way. And that me is learning to love herself: is learning to love herself and the calories while eating the most amazing cheese cake in the world. Is learning to love herself while she is single and on her shady trail alone. Is learning to love herself on the best days of healing and the worst days of healing, because this is amazing me. And life is a Beautiful Struggle. No matter what, always beautiful.

So here I am on campus, contemplating cafeteria us. The us the picks the best and worst parts of life or refuses to try something new because we are frightened. And I think we should let our inhibitions go and just eat the Artisan Hamburger on Rye and the homemade cheesecake with the side of grapes covered in cream cheese sauce with roasted glazed walnuts on top. I think we should just throw our hands up in the air and be the best versions of ourselves that we can possibly manage. I think we should wish on all the stars not just the first one because life is short and unpredictable and we only get this one shot to be incredibly awesome.

Stars light,
Stars bright,
All the stars I see tonight,
I wish I may,
I wish I might,
Have the wishes I wish to night.

This is part of freedom,
This is part of being the unedited version of us,
look at how beautiful it all is.

Cafeteria Us,
Silly Us,
Travel Us,
Fearless Us.

Live Like There's No Tomorrow,
So Loves <3

Healing and Leftovers

This writing comes from a truly aching part of my soul.

It is so easy to package up our emotions and our problems. They are the leftovers of a semi-decent meal and at the end of the day, we put them in take-out containers and shove them to the backs of our fridges. And one day we wake up briefly to check on those forsaken things and we find that they are molding from neglect.

It is so easy to get caught in the webs of life, to save our feelings for another day, simply because "we don't have time". It's really more like, "we don't want to make time". We don't let ourselves be still in the silence or caught in the quiet room. We'd rather put it off for another day, cram another take-out box into an already full fridge.

What's even worse is when we tell ourselves that we don't need to deal with our problems, because someone else's problems are worse. There is no comparison, everyone's problems are the worst for them, even if they seem like no big deal to you or I.

I hate when we lie to ourselves saying:
"Oh it's not that bad"
or
"I'll be fine"
or
"I'm just moving on"

I call Bullshit.
I call Cheat.
It is a lie.

The wake up call is ice cold. You mean I can't enjoy those moldy leftovers? You mean they're no good?

That's right, they're no good. You have let them sit to long. You have refused to really heal. If you thought it was going to be hard to deal with them then, it's even harder now. It's not just one problem that could've been dealt with, it is now, many, many more.

They give you anxiety now.
They give you pain now.
As a combined force,
they are deadly.

You don't deserve this,
You don't deserve to hurt like you are.

You deserve to heal,
You deserve light.

And only you  can give yourself the right to do so.
Only you can pull up the garbage can to the moldy leftovers in the fridge and clean them out.
I feel like it's important to realize that no one can do it for you.

It is easy to say,
"I'll deal with it tomorrow",
putting it off is easy.

It is much harder to say,
"I'll deal with it now"
"I will deal with it while it hurts"
"I will deal with it while I'm raw and my heart is shattered".

Our feelings are not pennies to put in the rainy day jar.
They are always present and with us.

It is important that we give ourselves time to heal,
to sit in the scilence,
to enjoy the quiet room,
to drink tea at the cafe alone,
to great the sun as it rises,
to do art,
to write,
to love ourselves.

The hardest part about healing is realizing that we deserve to.
That we deserve all the best things of life.
That we deserve hope and love and dreams and happiness and days without regret or pain.

Choose to heal.

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Love and Hugs,
So Loves <3

The Perfect Stranger

So, I believe that fate has this thing...that it tosses you into these moments with people. Sometimes we are only supposed to know them for a moment and sometimes maybe forever. So we enter into these moments with a sort of hope and apprehension, hoping that either way the cards fall, some how both of us get exactly what we need out of this moment with the perfect stranger.

Sometimes the interaction is just a spark, just enough inspiration to make you think,
And sometimes the interaction is a fire,
a real chance to get to know this "perfect stranger" a chance to let them in.

And I guess the reason I write this is because I have met "The Prefect Stranger". I have seen this person around and had one or two casual interactions with this person, but late last night the interaction was a fire. It feels like she is my non-biological twin,
similar habits,
similar outlooks,
similar experiences.

She talks to me the way I talk to friends I really care about,
she is the best listener,
but also an honest advice giver.
She shines so brightly,
that I am nearly blinded,
if it were not for,
our light creating the super nova that it does.
You know you are in good company when you can carry the conversation for, 4 hours.

You understand that fate brought you to this incredible super nova moment for a reason.

I guess I want you to know that every person you meet is never luck or chance. It is the universes carefully engineered moments. Sometimes these moments make all the difference.

Stay strong,
Stay brave,
Stay wise,
Love on my wanderers,
So Loves <3

Definition of "The Difference"

The difference is a perspective glass in which we look through. It is all the things we are and all the things.  we are not. "The Difference" is sometimes a good thing and other times we must bridge it. "The difference" defines the uniqueness of two separate objects.

It's Okay To Be The Black Sheep

Today,
more than ever. I want you to know that it's okay to be the black sheep, the ugly duckling, the sad princess. It is okay to be different.

For many years of our lives, we were told to behave just right. To fit what I only see now as a stereotype. We have been crammed into boxes and sealed with a bow. In all those things we were never once allowed to say no, to step out of the box and see all the possibilities.

And now, here we are. The black sheep, the ugly ducklings, the shackled princesses, of our own stories. And we are these things because we have chosen to be free. We have broke the box and with the pieces, designed something unique.

We are different,
We are beautiful,
We are unique,
We are the crazy ones,
Sometimes, the tattooed ones,
and other times,
the brightly colored hair ones,
we see each humane as a candle with a very delicate flame,
We are the unconditional lovers,
the forgivers,
the fighters,
and the criers,
We are the free ones.
We come in all different shapes and sizes,
and genders and styles and sexualities and voices.
We are us.
All labeled for one reason,
We are different.
We are treated sometimes poorly and unfairly,
Misunderstood,
Simply for being different.
And the difference makes us live.

See the black sheep is valued for its uncommon color,
The duckling turns into a swan,
and the neglected princess,
breaks free and is beautiful.

We strike fear in the common,
and frighten the not living,
because of the freedom
because we are us.

And we see the world through the glasses of
"The Difference",
through the rainbow lenses of,
reality, hope, freedom, and love.

And when I think about the lack of love for us, I think of this Gaelic Blessing,
It goes something like this:
May those who love us,
love us,
And those who don't love us,
May God turn their hearts,
and if he can't,
May he turn their ankles so we'll know them by their limping.

And that makes me silly smile. IT is not fair when those feelings make us feel like we are unworthy of our own unconditional love.

I hope you know that us black sheep and ugly ducklings and forlorn princesses
oughta stay together, oughta find our inner beauty together, to realize beauty, to transform, to be free.

We are the crazy, wild and free.
We need late nights in cafes writing.
We need bro talks in the dark stargazing,
We need coffees, teas, and smoothies,
We need reckless, fearless, love.
We live to feed our mind, bodies, and souls.
From greasy badass pizza to cheese cake,
We approach each day with reckless abandonment,
and then leave our comfort zones for adventure and experience.
We love,
hearts and souls embroidered on our sleeves,
and get hurt often because of that.
We are the ones that see art everywhere in everyone and sometimes we giggle to ourselves because of that.
and we recognize that life is unfair,
especially for us,
but we know thats okay,
and we don't let that small fact change us.
We are the:
Rebels,
Fighters,
and Hippies
And this is for us. It's for you, it's for me, it's for the judgers and the haters,....It's for the lost.
don't be discourage. Don't lose hope. Don't give up.
We have beautiful, amazing souls.

Stay Awesome,
So Loves <3

And I am Proud of You

I am Proud of You.
For all you are,
and all you have yet to become.
If You are still standing,
You've fought a long harsh battle to get here,
You Have Been...
Courageous.

I am proud that you forgive,
and refuse to see the worst in others,
instead always choosing the best.
We have become a world of doubt of hate of carelessness.
I am proud you choose love.

I recognize the absolute good inside you,
recognize your own light,
and all the things that make you forge on.

You are a Beautiful Creature,
dancing in the night,
fighting battles of the day.

But most of all...
You
Are
A
Blessing.
Where you walk,
flowers bloom,
and when you speak...
it consumes.
Your armor is no longer shining,
from the battles within but mostly from the battles you fight for others,
and that is beautiful.
You never shed tears by day,
instead,
by night of the moons cleansing light.

You know,
no other way but this one,
you beautiful creature you,
fight by day,
love by night,
your passion is oh so bright.

You will never know how luminous you are,
always lighting up all the darkest spaces,
a luminary for others,
you may be covered in dust at the end of the day,
but that is not important,
you will shed the armor,
and heal in the moonlight,
and onward thus,
tomorrow will be a new day.

Wander On,
Hope, Love, Peace,
So Loves <3

It is Only Proof that the sun must always shine.

A few days ago on another blog a wrote a piece called "The Struggle" because on the turning twisting journey, I was struggling, struggling just to stay a float. I felt like i was standing there watching my world burn to the ground.
And the light in "The Struggle" went something like this:
When sadness reigns,
in hell fire storms,
stay strong,
you incredible fighter,
for you never gave up then,
and you're not about to start now.
When that confusing maze of knowledge of yours,
attacks you with hard truths,
and daring lies,
hold strong you smart girl,
hold strong.
See life is full of struggles,
a magical forest,
overgrown,
stay on the path of boredom?
or,
defy the path for freedom?
struggle on you brave, brave knight,
struggle on.
For suns must always set,
and stars must always rise,
it's in the dark of night,
that we see the light.
And though sometimes blinded,
the curse does often lift,
and onward we meditate,
to our way to bliss.
Things will always seem difficult,
Life almost always unfair,
onward our way to destiny,
onward thus we can bare.
You should know,
the fight is never ending,
the struggle...
always there,
life would not be fun,
if things were always fair.
You will stay courageous,
and beautiful and bright,
and your true light will shine,
even in the dark of night.
So fight on,
fight on,
fight on,
as only you can do,
you'll be okay,
you gorgeous bright beauty,
.....oh you.
But now, now is proof that the sun eventually always shines. That people come around and that friends step up to the plate. Now is proof of love.
"Fun Love"
Fearless, sweet spontaneous love,
The kind of love that yanks on your hand and take you somewhere.
The kind of love that kisses in the pouring rain,
and star gazes at night.
The sweet fearless love,
that drives you to travel into the unknown,
that makes you blush with embarrassment,
that is tender.
The kind of love that makes you courageous,
and willing to do anything once.
This Fearless Love.
Bad things happen, that is the way of life. The only way I have ever found to overcome that is to love, love everyone including myself always. Love when I am broken, love when it is hard, love when i am struggling, love when i am sad, love when i am happy. To Love, Love, Love. And because sometimes, you take a leap of faith simply because you have to, because if you didn't, the world would just keep moving on without you, and that leap, is a good thing. It forces you to spread your tired, sore, rusty wings and really fly. It forces you to seek love and accept it. It forces you to move forward so that the world doesn't move without you. It reinforces your strength that you'd thought was gone. And it shakes those wings of yours out in the sunlight, because you deserve this, you deserve this unconditional love, from yourself. You deserve to be free.
Love on my fellow wanderers,
Love me,
So Loves

x

How Do You Tip The Balance Back....

So lately, I have been finding myself at odds with the world and some days are better than others but for me I have a few vices that help tip the balance back, A.J., Art, Flowers, Plants, Music, Nature... But here is something I would love to share that I posted about me and the balance, I posted it on facebook not that long ago and I think you might like it as well....

"So I'd like to say that this "art object" was created by my wonderful 3-D design professor. I'd also like to share somethings with you. See as I was sitting a his table this afternoon, I couldn't help but reflect about how my life has lately felt out of whack and how I haven't felt in balance with the world, but as I was sitting there running my hands over the smooth and unsmooth edges, looking at the harsh and unharsh angles, I felt like maybe this was the start of things finally shifting back into balance and by my own free will, I thought about how I watched this "art object" transform into something beautiful and something that I see as a metaphor for this journey we call life. See if you look close, you can see that there are harsh angles but some of those have been sanded down, the texture is rough in some spots and smooth in others. The color is white and pink currently and I couldn't help but see something imperfectly perfect. I love this table, I love the defiance of its existence. As I sat there I couldn't help but think "Life is a Beautiful Struggle" and this table is beautiful." 

Hugs and Love,
So

Well Wanderers It Has Certainly Been a While...

I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to make a full circle and come back to writing on this blog that is really my passion, I'm sure it doesn't seem that way considering the 7 month span between posts, so here's an update and as always, some wisdom. Since my last post which was a very lovely poem, life has been a struggle, but I have met the most amazing man and that has made all the difference (No I did not ditch you for a guy). College has been good. And I finally got out of a stressful job I was starting to hate and into a bit of a less stressful one that I am learning to love. In October I finally gave in and started going to counseling... and here is where I side track, I believe that smart people that recognize there is a problem and they need help get counseling. I had gotten counseling for years prior to this one but it took me about 4 months to come to terms with the fact that even though I was out of one high school and into college, that that didn't mean that I could quite going. So I've been going and it feels great! I kind of chalk all of these things up to experiences that I am meant to go through on my path. And this is kind of where I'm at. Second semester of college, undeclared, the world is still kind of scary, but what the hell I have nothing to lose. This is where tonights bit of wisdom comes in. Tonight I hit a wall of depression where I just felt lost, like I didn't know where I fit in and when this happens, it usually takes me quit some time to pull out, well remember that guy I mentioned, he sat by me the whole time but outside of that, one of the things that I find great comfort in whenever I feel that there world is just really big and I'm being drowned by that bigness is, "The Most Astounding Fact About The Universe" by Neil DeGrasse Tyson Here is the Video Montage for it, it is really lovely and I think that all of you wanderers will be able to take some comfort in it when you are experiencing similar struggles.

Love and Hugs,

Your Fellow Wanderer...So<3