Forgiveness and the Other Guy

Along time ago, my dad gave me some great advice and I'm going to impart that advice to you in this vlog below. Please enjoy.

I Love You All,
soloves <3

Dear Diary...I'm a hurricane

9/24/2014

Dear Diary,

It's dark outside and cold and today has been less than perfect, but that is okay.

Diary today I am i one of those kind of hurricanes. I'm not sure I like it but, I know I need to be here. It's weird and hard to explain 

But I want to tell you "Things I tell myself in the Mostly Dark".

Diary I tell myself to give me a break. I spend so much time running around that sometimes I forget to breathe. I also tell myself that it's okay to let go of unfixable friendships and especially of memories. I tell myself that it's okay to remember and feel that pain sometimes. 

10/5/14

Diary I have been telling myself to set me free. Anyone that knows me, knows I have a good heart. I didn't deserve to be treated that way.

I tell myself that I'm okay when I'm lonely and to keep my head up when I'm sad and tired of being me.

Life's roses after all do have their thorns

Some days I tell myself to to keep swimming when I'm drowning and to keep loving when I'm hurting.

The other day, I told my roommate that I was done chasing after guys, I am gorgeous inside and out, and if someone truly wants me that way, they'll have to do a little work of their own.

Some days though Diary, I feel like the fool, that has let everyone in and still feels empty. 

Some days I feel like the giving tree, giving of me until there is little or nothing left.

And lately Diary, I haven't been able to find that cool optimism of mine and I really have started to wonder where it has gone. 

There are days where I can muster it and days where it is obscured from me by what feels like is a constant hurricane.

Diary, some days I wonder why the people I chose to love hurt me and twist the metaphorical dagger into my pounding heart.

These days I oft find myself wishing for people of the past knowing full well, should those wishes come true, I'd be driven to insanity.

Frequently I daydream of a lovers arms rocking me to sleep, of sweet fiery neck kisses, of snuggling. sleeping and iloveyous.

Some days the longing drives me crazy.

I miss waking up to arms around me after a nightmare or the presence and voice that calms my anxiety. I miss having someone to kiss beneath the falling leaves. Someone that just listens to me breathe or watches me fall asleep.

I hate that this huge heart of mine still remembers all of you.

And I relentlessly hope that someone comes along and shows me that I'm not missing out. That they are the adventure I'm supposed to have and that their love is enough.

But until then diary, I will do my damndest to keep moving forward. God knows I need to. 

I'll do whatever single is, even though it sucks and hopefully I'll find my way.

Diary, tomorrow will be better I hope.

Love,

Sossina <3

P.S. hugs and kisses to all my lovely wanderers