Healing and Leftovers

This writing comes from a truly aching part of my soul.

It is so easy to package up our emotions and our problems. They are the leftovers of a semi-decent meal and at the end of the day, we put them in take-out containers and shove them to the backs of our fridges. And one day we wake up briefly to check on those forsaken things and we find that they are molding from neglect.

It is so easy to get caught in the webs of life, to save our feelings for another day, simply because "we don't have time". It's really more like, "we don't want to make time". We don't let ourselves be still in the silence or caught in the quiet room. We'd rather put it off for another day, cram another take-out box into an already full fridge.

What's even worse is when we tell ourselves that we don't need to deal with our problems, because someone else's problems are worse. There is no comparison, everyone's problems are the worst for them, even if they seem like no big deal to you or I.

I hate when we lie to ourselves saying:
"Oh it's not that bad"
or
"I'll be fine"
or
"I'm just moving on"

I call Bullshit.
I call Cheat.
It is a lie.

The wake up call is ice cold. You mean I can't enjoy those moldy leftovers? You mean they're no good?

That's right, they're no good. You have let them sit to long. You have refused to really heal. If you thought it was going to be hard to deal with them then, it's even harder now. It's not just one problem that could've been dealt with, it is now, many, many more.

They give you anxiety now.
They give you pain now.
As a combined force,
they are deadly.

You don't deserve this,
You don't deserve to hurt like you are.

You deserve to heal,
You deserve light.

And only you  can give yourself the right to do so.
Only you can pull up the garbage can to the moldy leftovers in the fridge and clean them out.
I feel like it's important to realize that no one can do it for you.

It is easy to say,
"I'll deal with it tomorrow",
putting it off is easy.

It is much harder to say,
"I'll deal with it now"
"I will deal with it while it hurts"
"I will deal with it while I'm raw and my heart is shattered".

Our feelings are not pennies to put in the rainy day jar.
They are always present and with us.

It is important that we give ourselves time to heal,
to sit in the scilence,
to enjoy the quiet room,
to drink tea at the cafe alone,
to great the sun as it rises,
to do art,
to write,
to love ourselves.

The hardest part about healing is realizing that we deserve to.
That we deserve all the best things of life.
That we deserve hope and love and dreams and happiness and days without regret or pain.

Choose to heal.

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Love and Hugs,
So Loves <3