Dear Diary....

July 22 2014

Dear Diary,

Today has been exceedingly beautiful.

It has been a day of tattoos, of feeling, of fleeting bliss, of memories, of "Yes", of sitting with a stranger in a cafe, of paper writing, vlogs, of #selflove, or never giving up.

As the sun goes down, I am almost saddened that something so imperfectly perfect is coming to a close, that today must go away, so that tomorrow can hopefully blind me with her beauty.

I have pursued and been pursued, no matter, the constant chase shall continue, of this I am absolutely sure. But alas I will run faster so that the gap may never close. Today on this beautiful day I am tired, back aching, soul aching...heart bleeding. I am ready to fall into the starry skies arms and quietly rock myself to sleep. My day always silently ends in Lonely.

But, Diary that has not made it any less gorgeous, 

smiles are stamped on perfect strangers,

love is found in the most extra-ordinary places,

warm is the hug that truly embraces,

old friends,

catching up,

light in their eyes,

on their faces.

Diary, loneliness is a small price to pay for all this extra-ordinary, every.Day. Beauty.

It is truly these "little things" that make me whisper to the bruised parts of my heart and shattered parts of my soul, "Thank goodness we made it. Look, it was all worth it. Everything was worth it".

And when the little voice inside me whispers that, I smile and you can see the spark in my eye lite up, and ever so quietly I whisper back out loud, "Yes, it totally was".

See Diary, today is one of those days that makes me wonder whether I choose moments of solidarity, or whether they choose me. Some days I love it, love being able to look around me and realize that this is the world I have influenced and shaped. That as much as it is in me, I am in it, but sometimes that pain creeps in, oh sweet sweet pain. And I suppose at the end of the day Diary, it all ends up being okay.

Well Diary, the sun continues to set, rather quickly actually and perhaps this is where we part ways for just today.

It has been beautiful and wonderful and bright and todays light will shine all through the night.

I cannot wait to see what tomorrow brings <3

Love,

Sossina <3

Why Nice People Get Fucked Over by a Fucking Nice Person!

It is self explanatory.

I love all of you,

rock on.

So Loves <3

Humans, Love, and Heartbreak are like a Cheesecake

Dear Wanderers,
Life is like a cheesecake, I mean yeesh if we're going to have a life, food analogy it might as well be to something delicious. In my mind, I picture a homemade cherry cheesecake. Three layers: graham cracker crust, delectable cheesecake center, topped with cherry pie filling or better yet, fresh cherries and maybe a little whipped cream.

As human beings I think we tend to make these 3 things in cyclical nature.
Part 1: Love
Part 2: Heart Break
Part 3: Recovery

Repetitiously, over and over and over again.

Love, heartbreak, recovery, love, heartbreak, recovery, love heartbreak recovery.

I think these 3 things happen in our lives cyclically with friends, family and beaus/baes, because I think that humans were designed to love and then dust themselves off after the heartbreak.

We were designed to love and accept love but nothing is one way, sometimes to love and be loved comes at great consequence, all great comedies and tragedies have thus proven so.

So I am going to have a fireside chat with you, love, heart break, recovery and cheesecake and I'll transition from each but talk about them collectively because I feel like there are days when we miss the point. Days when we are so upset with everything that and nothing that we forget the cyclical nature of this beautiful beast, forget that it will make a full circle and come around.

Part 1: Love

If this is what it means to feel again,
then let me feel,
always.

Heart in knots,
butterflies in stomach,
the scars of my soul throbbing.
If the eternal unquenchable anxiety,
is what keeps me awake,
to share my hesitant heart with you,
then if it must be,
let it be.

And if this crazy spinning Crush,
is what is Love?
Then I hope fate untangles my strange ass string,
to braid it with someone else,
with yours maybe.

Because life is short,
but,
years are long.
What is love,
without your sweet song?

I will give you my heart,
love you eternally.
soul exposed,
love my freely.

So here we are phase one of the circle the beginning, love where most of us start. The sweet pulsing of two hearts doing a dance to see if they are perfect for each other. The first part is all about the rawness and how much honesty we can expose to the other person. It is about just being who we are unedited and pure.
Stage one: Love, the delicious creamy center, the orgasm, I mean foodgasm.

But sometimes Love doesn't work out all that well.

Part 2: Heartbreak

What is darkness?
Darkness is the absence of light.
It is where my soul resides.
It is the limbo,
where there is no light.

Darkness is what binds,
it keeps my wings confined,
Somedays...it makes me wonder why.

Hearts will heal while souls must shatter,
giving can be a great disaster.
Why does fate confuse the strings?
Don't I deserve my chance to sing?

My turn to shine,
My turn for light.
These are things I see behind my eyes.

Sleep is not a blissful cave,
the lions den,
I am its slave.

I am weak and tired and sore and do not think I can give much more.

The sun has set,
I hope it will rise,
the blinding light,
I hope...hurts my eyes.

This is phase 2, heartbreak. Heartbreak does weird shit to us. It breaks us down and forces us to rebuild our own selves back up. It shreds our hopes and dreams and makes us start over, again...and again... and again. So many times it is a test of character. Heartbreak makes or breaks a person. They either stay down the lexicon of broken promises jammed to far into their heart or they yank it out bandage the wound and get back up again.

I can't help but think that we are meant to survive this and so much more. That heartbreak is just a bus stop among many to get to where we are going, maybe we even end up riding this same bus or train again but at this point it is all about the journey and how we choose to get there. It isn't something to fear because tomorrow the sun will shine and things will get better, will be better. The memories will start to fade and let us breathe. We will rise in the face of absolute adversity. Heartbreak hotel fortunately enough isn't like Hotel California, we are not trapped here forever only if then by choice. We can leave at any time, heal at any time, love at any time.
Stage 2: Heartbreak, the graham cracker crust.

Part 3: Recovery

The sun did rise.
I saw it's rays.
So I dusted myself off,
and whispered "amazing grace".
It blinded me while I drove,
so onward I road,
fields of gold.
took some time to shake the threads of darkness
off my wings,
even took some time to sing.
Last night though crying eyes I still understood,
that today would be better,
and brighter
and lovelier
than the day before.
That I'd pick up the pieces of my soul
and build another sculpture once more.
Because no matter how tough,
I will always be meant to Love.

We must break to become anew. We hurt so that we may heal. Tears cleanse our souls. The recovery is perhaps the best part. It is a time for self reflection it is a time when we can really invest time into taking care of ourselves instead of investing our energy into someone else. Recovery is the period of time in which we think to ourselves if I could do it all over, what bullshit wouldn't I have put up with, what would i have made more of an effort to accept, and what would i have given to have that moment again. Recovery is all about accepting the past and it's about forgiveness. And there is a part of us that knows that in the end, we will rise, gather up the pieces and memories and make it brand new all over again because this is the circle and we will be okay, if for no other reason than the sun will rise every morning.
Stage 3: Recovery, Fresh cherries on top with whipped cream.

So wanderers, here's my last thought:

"If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together...
there is something you must always remember,
you are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think,
but the most important thing is,
even if we're apart...
I'll always be with you."
-Christopher Robin to Pooh Bear

I will always be with each and ever single one of you wanderers on the best days and the worst,
each of you has a unique place in my heart,
Keep healing,
Keep loving,
Sing and dance in the rain,
Love someone,
I Love all of you,
until next time,
Love,
So Loves <3

P.S. All of the poetry is original and written by me :)

Dear Mr. Right

So if you are more of a reader *cough* Jared. Bare with me and listen to the short vlog which is just an introduction to the blog following the short video I promise. This blog is a future letter to my Mr. Right whoever that may be whether I have met that person already or not. It is a brief ever sweet note letting them peer into my soul and see just a little bit that is me.

Dear Mr. Right,

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life and in change there is power."-Alan Cohen

You know, I have released much of the things familiar to me lately and my life is filled with more fresh air and light than it ever has been. I am now excited to come across someone to exist with, someone that can join me on the spicy and sweet adventurous parts of life. I long for companionship and travel. But I do not long to settle down. I hope you "Crave me in the most innocent form. Crave to say good night and give me forehead kisses and say that you adore me when I am at my worst. Crave me in ways where you just want to be next to me and nothing more or less."

I want you to know that thus far I have been treated much in the same manor as a rag doll, no woman should be treated that way, including me.

I am smart, gorgeous and strong. Do not underestimate me.

"She never looked nice. She looked like art and art wasn't supposed to look nice, it was supposed to make you feel something."-Free People

I hope when I meet you if we haven't met already, that we fall crazy in love and never recover from an adventurous, do anything once, chocolate chili pepper stupor. I hope you see me as the whole picture and not just the paints. I also hope you fall in love with all the messy bits that are me. I hope you fall head over heels in love with my words, hat hair, makeup-less face, and inner warrior.

"she's a rare breed, matter fact, she's an endangered species, her heart's been broken and just like mine it remains in pieces, but every time we're near each other, smile is all we can do; our shattered souls intertwine, I know I've felt the same agonizing pain that she's been through and I find comfort in her grasp so I reach out with both arms..."

I hope when we meet, you find sanctuary in and around me. I hope my presence helps heal your broken bits as much as I hope your presence helps to heal mine. I truly hope that our shattered souls grasp each other in an embrace that fuses the shattered bits together so that there is no longer two separate broken entities but one beautiful sculpture.

I want you to know that you've fallen for: a hopeless romantic, who also has a hippie streak, who loves kids, and books, and stargazing, and candles, and meditation, and the quite room, who will hopefully have a tattoo by the time our souls intertwine, and who will unconditionally love you, no matter what, who believes in spreading as much of this love that fills her up to as many people as she possibly can.

I can't wait to meet you, if we haven't already,

 Love,

Me <3

Well wanderers, the secret is out, I am a hopeless romantic, but isn't that such a huge underrated part of living this journey and life....Love? Falling in a crazy sweet love from which we never recover, but really truly loving and be okay with that love, accepting it? On the worst days, isn't that what we live for, isn't it what we hope for and long for? The love and companionship of another human being who will love us despite the messy bits and struggling bits. who will "love us when we are a still day and a hurricane"? A person who thinks, "I don't know a perfect person. I only know flawed people who are still worth loving." -John Green.

Wouldn't you kill to even meet someone like that. I know I have met people like that, and they are some of the most beautiful humans I have ever seen. So here it is, Love, my love letter to someone in this universe hopefully destined for me someday. I challenge every single one of you that has read this far to write a similar letter, if you don't want to post it, fine, don't, but save it and make your bid for love, because after all that is the fire of this universe, love makes this life truly worth it.

Love onward,

dream upwards,

Stay sweet,

Try something new,

Love,

Me,

So Loves <3

why we should all take a lesson from Walter Mitty.

So new vlog for all of you. I am really excited.  I hope you love it! It's about why we should all take a life lesson from Walter Mitty the character in The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

Love, peace and laughter,
So Loves

Do we do what's easy?

So instead of a my normal written out post, I have a vlog for you today! yay! I wrote it out ahead of time and I read it to you downtown at the sundial fountain where I live :) enjoy.

Enjoy,

SoLoves <3

Turtles and Trust

You know what I love about turtles? I love their fearlessness. I love that they know they have shells to hide in and they choose to sun bathe anyway.

I especially love that recent little turtle that has gone viral that plays "fetch" with a dog. I mean come onnnnn how on earth does it know that the dog won't eat him on accident or otherwise?

I love that even after something tries to eat a turtle, it still comes out of its shell, it's not like, "okay one and done guys, one and done". It doesn't just throw in the towel like us humans do sometimes.

You know what else I love? I love the curiosity of turtles. I mean lets be real, what on earth compels a turtle to play with a dog arguably at least 50 times its size or to swim up to a shiny canoe full of rather loud idiots or to allow a child to race it against other turtles, why doesn't it just hide in its shell?

So what's it's deal? Are turtles stupid...... or are they fearless.....or are they just to trusting for their own good?

If we take a brief look into native american history and literature. They have something called turtle island, basically it is that each appendage of the turtle represents 3 things: a noble attribute, a element and a direction. So I would argue that turtles are a whole lotta fearless and trusting.

A tiny small animal laughing and saying "YOLO" but then again, maybe not.

So maybe you're thinking, "why on earth is she questioning me about the motives of a turtle and proceeding to tell me about it?"

This is why.

Do we do whats easy and hide in our shells or throw up our walls?

Or do we swim out, reach up, and touch the boat?

Do we trust the people in our lives enough to level with them and then proceed to have faith in them, or do we use the walls to our advantage, sometimes only letting the other person see through the glass?

Deep down I know that we are capable of being the turtles of native american wisdom and story. I know this because I have seen it. But I also know it is much easier to be the hidey hole turtle. The Dr. Jekyll turtle over the Mr. Hyde turtle. Sometimes it is reasonable but most of the time we are the ones that loose out when we refuse to trust and have a little faith.

I guess I want to tell you to trust people, just like that little turtle trusts the big dog he plays with. To have faith in people just like the turtle has faith in the young boy racing him.

Life will be a lonely harsh road to live it otherwise.

This is just one way to make it brighter and lovelier.


Love onward,
My sweet sweet wanderers.
So Loves <3