It is Only Proof that the sun must always shine.

A few days ago on another blog a wrote a piece called "The Struggle" because on the turning twisting journey, I was struggling, struggling just to stay a float. I felt like i was standing there watching my world burn to the ground.
And the light in "The Struggle" went something like this:
When sadness reigns,
in hell fire storms,
stay strong,
you incredible fighter,
for you never gave up then,
and you're not about to start now.
When that confusing maze of knowledge of yours,
attacks you with hard truths,
and daring lies,
hold strong you smart girl,
hold strong.
See life is full of struggles,
a magical forest,
overgrown,
stay on the path of boredom?
or,
defy the path for freedom?
struggle on you brave, brave knight,
struggle on.
For suns must always set,
and stars must always rise,
it's in the dark of night,
that we see the light.
And though sometimes blinded,
the curse does often lift,
and onward we meditate,
to our way to bliss.
Things will always seem difficult,
Life almost always unfair,
onward our way to destiny,
onward thus we can bare.
You should know,
the fight is never ending,
the struggle...
always there,
life would not be fun,
if things were always fair.
You will stay courageous,
and beautiful and bright,
and your true light will shine,
even in the dark of night.
So fight on,
fight on,
fight on,
as only you can do,
you'll be okay,
you gorgeous bright beauty,
.....oh you.
But now, now is proof that the sun eventually always shines. That people come around and that friends step up to the plate. Now is proof of love.
"Fun Love"
Fearless, sweet spontaneous love,
The kind of love that yanks on your hand and take you somewhere.
The kind of love that kisses in the pouring rain,
and star gazes at night.
The sweet fearless love,
that drives you to travel into the unknown,
that makes you blush with embarrassment,
that is tender.
The kind of love that makes you courageous,
and willing to do anything once.
This Fearless Love.
Bad things happen, that is the way of life. The only way I have ever found to overcome that is to love, love everyone including myself always. Love when I am broken, love when it is hard, love when i am struggling, love when i am sad, love when i am happy. To Love, Love, Love. And because sometimes, you take a leap of faith simply because you have to, because if you didn't, the world would just keep moving on without you, and that leap, is a good thing. It forces you to spread your tired, sore, rusty wings and really fly. It forces you to seek love and accept it. It forces you to move forward so that the world doesn't move without you. It reinforces your strength that you'd thought was gone. And it shakes those wings of yours out in the sunlight, because you deserve this, you deserve this unconditional love, from yourself. You deserve to be free.
Love on my fellow wanderers,
Love me,
So Loves

x

How Do You Tip The Balance Back....

So lately, I have been finding myself at odds with the world and some days are better than others but for me I have a few vices that help tip the balance back, A.J., Art, Flowers, Plants, Music, Nature... But here is something I would love to share that I posted about me and the balance, I posted it on facebook not that long ago and I think you might like it as well....

"So I'd like to say that this "art object" was created by my wonderful 3-D design professor. I'd also like to share somethings with you. See as I was sitting a his table this afternoon, I couldn't help but reflect about how my life has lately felt out of whack and how I haven't felt in balance with the world, but as I was sitting there running my hands over the smooth and unsmooth edges, looking at the harsh and unharsh angles, I felt like maybe this was the start of things finally shifting back into balance and by my own free will, I thought about how I watched this "art object" transform into something beautiful and something that I see as a metaphor for this journey we call life. See if you look close, you can see that there are harsh angles but some of those have been sanded down, the texture is rough in some spots and smooth in others. The color is white and pink currently and I couldn't help but see something imperfectly perfect. I love this table, I love the defiance of its existence. As I sat there I couldn't help but think "Life is a Beautiful Struggle" and this table is beautiful." 

Hugs and Love,
So

Well Wanderers It Has Certainly Been a While...

I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to make a full circle and come back to writing on this blog that is really my passion, I'm sure it doesn't seem that way considering the 7 month span between posts, so here's an update and as always, some wisdom. Since my last post which was a very lovely poem, life has been a struggle, but I have met the most amazing man and that has made all the difference (No I did not ditch you for a guy). College has been good. And I finally got out of a stressful job I was starting to hate and into a bit of a less stressful one that I am learning to love. In October I finally gave in and started going to counseling... and here is where I side track, I believe that smart people that recognize there is a problem and they need help get counseling. I had gotten counseling for years prior to this one but it took me about 4 months to come to terms with the fact that even though I was out of one high school and into college, that that didn't mean that I could quite going. So I've been going and it feels great! I kind of chalk all of these things up to experiences that I am meant to go through on my path. And this is kind of where I'm at. Second semester of college, undeclared, the world is still kind of scary, but what the hell I have nothing to lose. This is where tonights bit of wisdom comes in. Tonight I hit a wall of depression where I just felt lost, like I didn't know where I fit in and when this happens, it usually takes me quit some time to pull out, well remember that guy I mentioned, he sat by me the whole time but outside of that, one of the things that I find great comfort in whenever I feel that there world is just really big and I'm being drowned by that bigness is, "The Most Astounding Fact About The Universe" by Neil DeGrasse Tyson Here is the Video Montage for it, it is really lovely and I think that all of you wanderers will be able to take some comfort in it when you are experiencing similar struggles.

Love and Hugs,

Your Fellow Wanderer...So<3

Feel The Love

If you've made it thus far you weary, tired creature you,
then I hope you know you're loved.
And if you don't,
unfocus those beautiful teary eyes for me and reach for,
the love,
that surrounds,
you,
every,
single,
day,
in every single way,
on your sweet sweet journey,
that is your beautiful struggle.

And know that,
the most beaten of us all,
the most weary,
the most hurt,
still deserve....
the passionate fighting ceaseless love of...
the warriors that fought these battles before us...
and will fight them after us
and fight them still our lovely fighting souls,
deserve,
this burning,
undying,
ceaseless,
Love.

-So

He's back and guess what, it nerves me out, my heart is pounding and my stomach is all nerves.

Sorry for the lack of updates, its been a while. So my Best Guy Friend and I still aren't really talking again :( My Boyfriend of 2 years and I mutually broke up. The guy I fell head over heels for 5 years ago is making a real effort now to maintain the "friendship" I've been maintaining and he's recently single same as me.

This is one of those situations where everyone I talk to is like, follow your heart and go for it, you can't deny how you feel, plus this life is so short. Me on the other hand, well I'm thinkin oh boy do I really want to do this? This is an obvious obstacle for me. I'm writing to all of you saying yeah go live your life to the fullest and figure it all out because you have nothing to lose right, but scardey cat me is almost terrified of taking my own advice.

Inside myself the argument is something like this:

Smart brainy me says: "don't do it. You absolutely should not do it!!" It kind of maybe starts screaming at me.

Stupid heartish me says: "*gets giddy* *starts screaming excitedly*
Do it! do it! Go for it! You have nothing to lose! Life is to short!"

I'm admittedly more than it little frustrated. My mind just never stops going. When I'm awake, I'm thinking about the situation. When I'm sleeping I'm dreaming about him. Part of me wants to be okay with the love I'm feeling and the other sensible part of me is like, "you don't want to be the broken hearted girl you ended up being 5 years ago". I just feel like its not fair. I'm not sure if this is an opportunity to have what I couldn't or not. After 5 years, I didn't really expect to still have feelings, I thought I was done and over with it.

I know something for sure though, I really, really don't want to end up being the rebound girl. I just want to be loved by someone else again. I want to take it slow and enjoy the experience and get the right things out of it. I really don't want to ruin the friendship that is rekindling. I know that its hard to pull both off and succeed. 

So to vent my frustrations and give my brain a rest I've started jogging and cranking up the music on my ipod and for the short time I need it, all I can tell you is that it mostly helps. I'm a runner by no means and I really hate doing it so its a really good distraction for me. I suppose I will see what happens, because surely on my path there is something that I am supposed to have or understand or experience from all of this. I can't afford to think differently.

I hope everyone is doing well and whatever I've written has given you insight or advice you may have needed.

Love and *hugs*,

So

Sometimes When You're Alone for to Long

Sometimes when you're alone for a long period of time instead of it being a virtuous endeavor it becomes an ego thing. It becomes a, I value myself so much that I wrap myself in a million suits of armor, and there is a big difference between those two things. One hurts you and others and "thee other" legitifies the journey. This  is probably a struggle that I imagine most of us have. An internal battle over our pride and ego vs. whats right and relieving.

This is a lesson that took me a while to learn as a matter of fact it was 3 hard months of learning the hard way and it is something I deeply regret but also something I am growing to respect as a necessary journey and one that my true self needed.

Life is full of life changing regrets. Sometimes all it takes is an impulse to want to make things right and sometimes that will require you to jump the ego hurdle, but one that is well worth it, sometimes there is no replacement for true friends. Often times that is the case.

In the light it may become necessary for us to set aside differences and look at the situation with new eyes. It's difficult even I know that from experience but most often it is also necessary. Being able to overcome that kind of thing says something about us as a person. It  says that I'm stronger than the affliction, I'm more mature than the situation, and I believe enough to forgive.

Trust, Rejection, and Abandon

For a few days I have been pondering on what my next post will be and finally in the last few days, I've figured it out.

I feel like some of the most tough things that true wanderers of life struggle with are trust, rejection, and abandon. A lot of the time these things are the results of bad relationships or friendships that went down the drain slowly but surely.

On a personal note, this is something I find myself struggling with. I find that most of the time these feelings alienate me from others and make me feel alone. As I attempt to cope with these constant feelings, I know others do to. Despite that, it doesn't make it any easier. Everyday I fight these demons inside my head and sometimes I'm not strong enough and I'll admit to that. It's not easy, it never was. some days more than others it's difficult to overcome these feelings. They make it hard to make new friends or be with someone else and sometimes they make it especially hard to be by yourself. I really don't think there is a cure, but there are a few things that can help, such as talking about your personal life, what makes you tick, who you are,  and what experiences got you there. You will always struggle some days worse than others but keep working at it because it will get better, you might never ever be able to get rid of these feelings that bog you down but it will get better. It's getting better for me and I'm constantly working at it so I faithfully believe that it can and will get better for you. Have fun on your journey.
Love always,

So